The Means for Miracles

We got a new refrigerator in December, and I had to remove all of the artwork, lists, and other bits of paper that typically cover the doors of the old one. I have a word file that I downloaded from a “Don’t Miss This” Come Follow Me study during our 2020 study of The Book of Mormon. It says, “This Family will not depart from the faith because we are Firm, Steadfast and Immovable; willing with all diligence to keep the Commandments of the Lord.” (You can download it here.) It goes on to list all of the attributes of the Nephites who were awaiting the signs of Christ’s birth in 3 Nephi Chapters 5-7. One of the attributes caught my eye as I was temporarily taking the paper down. It read, “Remains Clean through continual repentance so we can be the means of bringing miracles.- 3 Nephi 7:26”

The phrase stuck in my mind and in my heart-

“So we can be the means of bringing miracles.”

I watch for miracles in my life, the lives of others and in the world the same way people gaze at stars. I look for the Light, charting and connecting the points that make shapes and patterns until I see the constellation of events that create a larger picture- the larger picture is the miracle that bears witness of the immense love of God. I have always believed in miracles, and trusted that more often than not, they come. Before reading this line, I hadn’t ever considered the how. I suppose I thought that trying to understand how The Lord mercifully blesses us with miracles was spiritually presumptuous of me?

The Holy Ghost enlightened me, “The act of repentance is like emptying a canister of rubbish- you remove the rubbish, the filth that comes from sin; empty out the vessel, and the vessel becomes a conduit for all that is good- all that is pure and true. The heart is open and prepared to accept the blessings that come from asking Heavenly Father to send His divine aid. Sometimes it’s a true miracle that can occur, such as a spontaneous healing from an illness or affliction. Sometimes answers and resolution don’t come. Sometimes, the miracle is seeing the blessings, growth and learning that have come from the trial.”

President Russell M. Nelson said, “A repentant soul is a converted soul, and a converted soul is a repentant soul. The doctrine of repentance is much broader than a dictionary’s definition. When Jesus said “repent,” His disciples recorded that command in the Greek language with the verb metanoeo.24 This powerful word has great significance. In this word, the prefix meta means “change.”25 The suffix relates to four important Greek terms: nous, meaning “the mind”;26gnosis, meaning “knowledge”;27 pneuma, meaning “spirit”;28and pnoe, meaning “breath.”29 Thus, when Jesus said “repent,” He asked us to change—to change our mind, knowledge, and spirit—even our breath.” -from “Repentance and Conversion, April 2007 General Conference.

On March 18, 2020, I pleaded with the Lord. Our youngest daughter, Amelia was 9 weeks old. Our oldest, Isla Rose, was 7, Everly was 3, and Adaline was 1. I was still a new convert to the church, having been baptized 3 years earlier, and had received my endowment only 8 months earlier. I was frightened- panicked even, by our state of affairs. In my journal, I wrote;

Heavenly Father,

We are facing a pandemic and Tony is moonlighting in the ED. (For those not familiar, moonlighting can be done during medical training to supplement income. We couldn't afford for me to be a stay at home Mom on a Fellow’s salary alone, and I had stayed home out of obedience to a prompting I had received a year earlier) We aren’t leaving the house per the CDC’s guidelines for slowing the spread of this virus. SO much is going on in my mind and heart. Any counsel thou has for me during this time, I am listening. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

In His infinite mercy, He responded;

My beautiful daughter,

Know that you are secure. Know that through repentance and through my Atonement, there is nothing that could keep you from my love and kindness. Mine arm is outstretched to you, now and always. My angels are ministering unto you each and every day. Feel my peace. Breathe. You and your family will get through this unscathed.

Unscathed?! The Holy Ghost further revealed me that it would be through daily repentance that our family would get through the pandemic unscathed. A miraculous promise that I almost couldn’t believe, until He delivered on that promise. Up until hearing this guidance, I would repent every now and again, but it was not a part of my daily life. Before this, I had thought of repentance as more punitive than restorative. I began to remember to repent often, and always at the end of the night as I recalled the day in prayer. My heart softened, and I began to look forward to the time when I could reflect on my errors and feel the Savior’s loving presence as I was honest with Him about my sins and follies. I witnessed a miracle unfold for our family as I practiced repentance. Many times a week, for week after week of 2020, My husband, Tony, would text me at 7am after a shift:

Had an exposure. Please prepare.

This was our protocol- I would leave a paper bag and a pair of fresh scrubs by the garage door for him, and leave the door slightly ajar so that he wouldn’t have to touch the knob to walk in. I left the baby gate to the stairs unlatched, so he wouldn’t have to touch that either. I moved all of the girls’ things out of their bathroom and put his toiletries in. I prepared the guest room with fresh sheets and Tony’s personal affects from his nightstand. He would remove his soiled scrubs and shoes and leave them in the paper bag for me to sanitize in our washing machine. He would walk straight into a hot shower to “decontaminate”. I steeled myself emotionally for at least 5 days of not being able to hug or kiss him, or sleep next to him. He steeled himself for at least 5 days of not being able to hug or kiss me, and his little girls.

And yet, week after week, exposure after exposure (sometimes patients literally coughing in his face, sometimes, not wearing PPE because the patient wasn’t in the ED for suspicion of having the virus at all), he never got the virus. My newborn infant, two toddlers and school aged daughter and I never got it. It truly was a miracle. I have no other explanation to offer. The promise didn’t even end up covering only us- my parents, my parents-in-law, my biological family, my siblings, and siblings-in-law, all came through 2020 completely unscathed physically by the virus. The Lord gave me the most powerful object lesson in what it means to become the means of bringing miracles. I have been forever changed, and I have the desire to always keep myself a vessel for bringing miracles. Now, repentance comes as naturally to me as breathing, as soon as I am made aware that I have offended the Holy Ghost in some way.

In the face of such a threatening experience as having my husband on the front lines of a pandemic, repentance was probably the smallest thing the Lord could have asked me to do. He didn’t make our relationship transactional, even though at first that was what I thought He was asking of me ( e.g. “If you repent every day, I will keep your family safe”) That wasn't at ALL what the Holy Ghost was explaining to me! If that were the case, then God is a partial God, who allows us to manipulate Him and earn blessings with our works. We know that this is not true, and we have been taught that God is “no respecter of persons” -Acts 10:34, Romans 2:11, D & C 1:35, D & C 38:16) Instead, by prompting me to practice repentance, the Holy Ghost was showing me a pathway to be the means of bringing about the miracle my family and I so desperately needed that year.

The beauty of this is that when it comes to repentance, we do not have to walk perfectly. The Lord didn’t respond to my fear and pleadings by asking me to never sin or error for all of 2020. By virtue of taking upon us this mortal form, I know that we WILL always have to contend with the natural man, and we WILL sin. Repentance is a gift, truly a miracle in itself, that cleanses and purifies us and readies us to receive.

Isn’t it just like Jesus Christ to design it this way? Not only does our practice of repentance bless us, but also those around us. Repentance has provided me with a daily renewal, leaves me feeling heavenly peace, and best of all, leaves the touch of the Master’s hand on everything I see and experience. I never, ever want a day to go by without it. It has changed my mind, my knowledge, my spirit, even the way I breathe through the trials of the day.

Read Alma 34:17, 2 Corinthians 7:10, Proverbs 28:13, Doctrine & Covenants 58:43

Recall a time when you experienced or witnessed a miracle. Notice any connections you may find in your practice of repentance surrounding the timing of or the occurrence of the miracle.

Reflect Does this knowledge about repentance change your feelings around it and willingness to practice it?

Reclaim How do you define a miracle? Look for the miracles- the pearls- in the seemingly mundane of every day life. Make it a practice of recording them in a journal and look back on them in moments of doubt and fear.